Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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