You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
