yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
