The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
