Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
