At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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