Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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