I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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