Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize