whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
