I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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