my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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