it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
