I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
