Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
