i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
