The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
