did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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