First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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