You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love having hate sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
