Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
