just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize