4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
