Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
bring money and cleavage
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
