Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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