You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
