1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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