community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
