if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
