you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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