My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
