thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
