i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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