My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
