Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
