there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
a search helicopter?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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