So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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