so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
