Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
