my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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