She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize