I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
