You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
