How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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