my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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