I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
