Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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