News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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