I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
