Soap is not a condiment
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
