so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
