Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
