period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So apparently I’m into choking now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
