i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
