I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
