My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
