That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A bitchslap is in order.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
