Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
