I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
