I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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