The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize