can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
