We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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