But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we're making bets on your personal life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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