as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
