Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
