i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
