You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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