I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
