'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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