Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
