can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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