Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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