you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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