your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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